I am a very busy person. Maybe it’s not necessary to mention that as I am an American and probably busy by definition. Everyone around me is busy, and from all I read in newspapers and magazines, I think that everyone else is busy too. The thing is, I can’t figure out why. I believe in simplicity and try to not do too much. I stay home with my kids. Sometimes I do freelance work but I generally arrange a babysitter when I do that. Beyond that, it’s not like I spend hours playing the cello or arranging flowers or working in a homeless shelter. All I’m doing, really, is cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills, taking care of the car, making dental and doctor appointments, dealing with insurance companies or the termite inspection people or whatever else it is that needs taking care of. Of course I am feeding and spending time with my children and there are always holiday decorations to put up or take down. There are gifts to buy and thank you notes to write and birthday parties to plan. There are library books to return and necessary trips to Target for extra food storage containers and a new strainer, and I try to squeeze in workouts when I can so I don’t turn into an obese person, another very American trait. What can I possibly cut out?
The worst part, for me, is that I often think of words like “manic” and “frantic” when I think of my days. I say things like, “hurry up” or “we’re running out of time” frequently with my kids. And here I am someone that would love to be able to say I’m laid-back. I know I’m not laid-back and never have been. There was a brief spell in my twenties when I tried to change my personality and turn myself in to a laid-back person. I did okay, considering I had a low rent to pay, no possessions worth anything and no real responsibilities other than showing up for work on time. But I gave that up and resigned myself to my true, prone-to-worry nature. I used to be capable of relaxing though. I was very good at it. If there wan’t much to do, I have memories of spending whole days reading on the couch, only getting up to eat. That’s never an option now, but I’m not sure I could do it. I would have all these thoughts racing through my head about what else I could be doing.
Every now and then I will admit that I overcommit, and take on more than I can reasonably do. Sometimes I can acknowledge that the fact that I have a husband that travels a lot and that that adds significantly to my load. But then I wonder, is there something more than all that? Was everyone always so busy? Always so stressed out? I have always been under the impression that life was calmer half a century back, and that this crazy pace is a modern one. What has changed?
Maybe I’m kidding myself, but I think Martha Stewart has had a negative overall impact on our culture. She has elevated every mundane task in to an art form, so that now even cupcakes with sprinkles on top are not good enough. Why not create antlers out of licorice sticks and gum drops and have adorable moose cupcakes? Now a gift simply wrapped in some paper with a bit of ribbon is not good enough. It’s so much nicer if you expertly decorate the gift with raffia and clever, colorful charms dangling from the neutral swirls. The bar has been raised on table-settings and holiday decorations and lots of other things I don’t know about because I don’t even read the magazine. I know nobody really seems to ask anything extraordinary of me, but I feel some weird pressure, pressure to go that extra mile for everything.
So maybe our expectations have changed. Maybe people today put more effort in to everything: entertaining, getting involved in activities. Email is great but you can spend a lot of time keeping in touch with people. We have so many choices that taking advantage of what is around us eats up a lot of time. For example, to really get the variety of groceries I want, I have to go to 3 different grocery stores. One store has the best meat, the other the most organic items, and another cheaper bulk items. I feel the need to take advantage of seasonal activities whether it’s a trip to the farm or to the lake. Maybe we do more of these than necessary. Maybe I need to lower my expecations.
What if I decided that it’s okay for my kids to go a day without fresh vegetables? That it’s okay to stay in on a beautiful day? Could I feel okay serving my family non-organic apples when the organic ones are just one errand away? What if I read fewer stories to my kids? What if the toilet has an ugly brown ring in it or I don’t change the sheets on the bed for an extra week? What if I don’t decorate for the holidays? What if we skip the trip to the science museum and watch videos instead? What if we miss a dentist appointment or I change the oil in the car after 6,000 miles? What if I don’t do sit-ups for one month? Would everything still be fine, or would there be some negative consequence? I don’t know the answers. But if someone is brave enough to try these things, and has success making their life calmer and simpler, please let me know!
December 12, 2006 at 5:38 pm |
Christine: despite being male
, I relate alot to your post. Part of why I like living in Frederick is that we avoid lots of the pressures that make our lives complex. I think that we all do a pretty good job of making things simple. One of the biggest elements, in fact, is how compact our lives our here. I think that time spent driving around is one of the great time drains in America, and we are all quite fortunate to avoid that.
I think that business is also generated through isolation. There is so much that we do individually that we could accomplish much more efficiently if done collectively. Again, I think that our community does a better than average job with this, but we could do better. Co-housing is the next step.
At the end of the day the challenge is entirely inside ourselves to weed out the distractions. It is all about prioritization. But it is a great challenge for everyone.
December 13, 2006 at 2:54 am |
Hi, honey. I’m enjoying reading your blogs. Very funny and on target.
Love,
Dad
December 14, 2006 at 1:08 am |
Another great blog, Christine. The thought of a day reading on the couch is a very blurry, distant memory but it amazes me to think that at one time Toby and I would wake up each weekend day and think, now what should we do to amuse ourselves today? Unfortunately, I think that even if you scrapped the science museum for a video, the boys would soon grow bored of it and would make a giant scupture out of pipe cleaners and you’d spend as much time as you would’ve at the museum cleaning pipe cleaners!
December 19, 2006 at 1:00 am |
no joke christine, it’s a slippery slope when you step away from the organic table. A friend of mine has descended from the heights of healthy eating to the realm of (gasp) chicken fingers and frozen pizza. That doesn’t seem to bother her kids, but what worries me is that this woman is now also sipping beer from cans in her attic while chain-smoking. She grinds the butts out on her stylish side tables. So please whatever you do, don’t give up the vegetables!