What Is Up with Valentine’s Day?

It’s been a month or so now since I saw Al Gore’s documentary, An Incovenient Truth. I felt pretty down afterwards. I’ve been concerned about many of the topics covered in the documentary for a long time, but to see them all together in that format hit a big point home to me. I know that the way we live (Americans and other societies like ours) is not sustainable, but it really seems to me that we will see massive problems on a global scale within the next 50 years, and maybe much sooner, due to the pollution caused by our overconsumption of Earth’s resources.

Yesterday my son, Jasper, had a Valentine’s Day party in preschool. I sent him to school with a card for each of his classmates and his teachers. The cards were simple red hearts we cut out of construction paper, decorated with stickers, and signed by him. However, the cards he received were all store-bought with lots of candy attached–bags of Smarties and M&M’s and Hershey kisses. One child gave him a Valentine’s Day goody bag with a Superman doll, little heart cakes and several chocolates. I was blown away. My initial reaction is horror–why does it have to be so much? What’s wrong with a cute card? A piece of candy, times at least 15 kids, equals a BAG of candy. And the Superman doll–Jasper and his brother were thrilled with it, especially because it shot little arrow-like things out of its arms. But, it broke after half a day of play. And I do mean it broke–its legs split in two, its head snapped off, both arms fell off. We threw it away today. So, not only did he receive more candy at that party than I will allow him to eat in two months, but we also ended up with a bag of plastic-toy garbage. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate the thought and generosity. But I wonder, why is all this STUFF better than just a simple card? When I was a kid I remember being thrilled by just receiving cards from my friends, and I do remember some terrible-tasting heart-shaped candies that got passed around. When was it decided that a card is not enough? My next reaction, after the horror subsided, was that my idea to send my young son to school with simple, hand-made cards could cause a problem for him socially because the other kids expected candy with their cards. Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions as he seemed happy enough to pass out these cards and he never asked me to include candy. I don’t think the kids really pay that much attention to who gave what (at least at this age). My son’s initial reaction to the candy and gifts was excitement, but he was very disappointed when the Superman broke right away and he just stuck the candy in a big pile. Except for a couple pieces of the chocolate I don’t think he cares about or remember the rest of it.

I struggle with how I will raise my kids to appreciate what they have and to learn how to work toward goals and earn the things they want with so much excess in our culture. Valentine’s Day is just one small example. It seems that with every holiday and birthday that comes along children are just flooded with gifts, treats and sweets. We recently attended a birthday party for one of his classmates at an indoor arcade and amusement park. Jasper was given a goody bag to take home that contained at least ten toys, games and trinkets in it. It’s just too much! It’s not HIS birthday. I think one little token or party favor is nice, but even that is not necessary.

Everywhere I go there are giant piles of food and too much packaging. Cars are enormous and heavy. My mother has commented that she knows many people who just get sick of their stuff and redo their homes with brand-new furniture, window treatments and decorations way before anything is worn out. She doesn’t remember it being that way when she was younger.

At times I think back on the year I spent studying in France. It was 1989-1990. I remember being shocked and impressed by some significant differences in day-to-day life there. If I went to a large supermarket there and did not bring bags with me, I had to pay for the bags for my groceries. I remember needing to ask for a napkin when buying food to eat, as they did not put hundreds in dispensers for easy reach. I met stylish women who really seemed to only own a few outfits, but wore them elegantly and confidently and always looked great. I am not sure if things are still that way there, or if they are becoming more Americanized, but there was a lot to be learned from their lack of excess. We just take everything for granted.

I wonder how shoemakers fare in our current economy? Do people get shoes re-soled and re-heeled any more? Is anything repaired any more? Is it even possible to repair things? Have you ever tried to buy replacement parts for an electronic device that is more than three years old?

I’d love to live by my deep-down core values. I’d love to buy little and buy quality and keep things forever. I’d love to not be tempted by clothing and housewares every time I walk in to a store. I’d love to say “no” to my children more often, and try to swim against the tide of excess and overconsumption. I will try. In the meantime, I will send my son to school with some homemade Valentine’s Day cards and remind him that the thought and care he put in to those cards is what is really important.