I Guess I’m Just a Wimp

I have always loved fall. The chill in the air, things seasoned with nutmeg and cinnamon and a warm palette of browns, golds, reds and oranges completely appeal to me. But, the start of school and shortening days also marks the beginning of a marathon for me that each year I vow to have an easier time with…and just never figure out how. Fall happens to be the busiest travel time in the year for my husband which means I generally have to manage all the fall holidays and fall birthdays (we have 3 in our family) all by myself. Once I get the kids suited up for school with backpacks and pencils and pants that cover their ankles, I have to start planning Hugo’s October 21 birthday. Luckily, Jim was home for 36 hours, just long enough to attend the party I’d planned and have the family dinner before he flew out again at 6am on Sunday. I managed to clear away wrapping paper and get the new toys organized before I dug out the Halloween decorations to make the house nice and festive for Halloween, which was now just 9 days away. Of course I’d started the costumes already, but now that the birthday party was over it was time to devote my attention to them. Nevermind that I was already a touch burned out as a result of not just throwing our own party for my son but my son’s preschool, knowing it was Hugo’s birthday, had me bring in cupcakes on the big day along with: a poster about Hugo, a show n tell item, and a bucket filled with things that begin with the letter “T”. Don’t they know I have enough to do? Not only that, his school schedules field trips and parties, it seems, constantly, so that even though I pay good money for my 7.5 hours of freedom per week they always seem to find some reason I need to be there or join them on some outing, completely removing my “free time” during which I bake all those cupcakes and hang all those decorations.

Hugo’s birthday having been fully celebrated, both boys in one week had parties at school and parents were invited and encouraged to bring food. So, even though my free time was once again taken up with the festivities, I prepared yet more treats to bring into their classrooms so they can feel adequately loved. I watched them both, separately, frost and decorate cookies and play games like “hot potato” but with a twist so the game became “hot pumpkin.” Wasn’t I tortured with this stuff enough as a child?

I finished the costumes today and Halloween is tomorrow. Weather permitting we will have soccer games in the morning and trick or treating at night. I love seeing the kids dressed up and think it’s a fun holiday, but can anyone blame me if just a little part of me can’t wait until it’s over? And, it will be good to stop focusing on the holiday since we should really spend some time Sunday helping Jasper with his science fair project and Hugo with his coat of arms for school (yes, he’s just in preschool, but he, oops, I mean we, get an awful lot of homework).

I can’t believe that even though my kids are only 5 and almost 8 years old, I already long for the simple life when there were so few obligations on their behalf. Schools now are out of control, I think, with all the parties and forms and just so much parental involvement. I feel pulled into a million directions. And sometimes, I feel like I have no life.
I reflect on me a little bit. I used to be pretty interesting, I think, but now there’s so little of me that gets to be me. And there’s so much I want to do. Some of what I want to do is dull, like paint the bedroom and organize the overflow room on the 3rd floor. Some of what I want to do is use my degrees and my brain and my skills. Some of what I want to do is spend an entire weekend going to musuems that do not have dinosaur bones or rocket ships in them or hiking trails longer than 1 mile. I could throw a night of dancing in there.

So here I am bitching and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, and there will be plenty to do for that. I am already giving thought to Jasper’s December 12 birthday party, especially because one of his good friends planned his birthday party to take place that same day, which is causing a bit of stress around here. Somehow, we will celebrate his birthday, and then Jim’s on December 19, and somehow I will decorate for Christmas and bake cookies and plan meals, and I will do all this while Jim is in California or Washington or Texas or Michigan and then he will come home and Santa, a.k.a mommy, will come and make everyone feel loved and spoiled once again.

I’d like to start a movement to move some holidays around. Why can’t we celebrate Thanksgiving in April? We all know Christmas 25 has nothing to do with Jesus’ birth, why not celebrate Christmas in March or May? I can’t do much about my kids’ birthdays, but I could really use a breather this time of year. It’s just too much. And I know Martha Stewart would be shocked to read all this, but I guess I’m just a wimp.

Nothing To Do

We recently took a family vacation to a place we’ve been dying to go for years, so you might think we were put out the by the unseasonably cold temperatures and incessant rain. No so. Being in a home setting with nothing to do is the perfect formula for relaxation. It’s so nice to be without any desire or need to clean, fill anything out, fix anything, sort anything or without any sense of distraction at all. When I was in the living room I could just focus on being there and thinking about things like whether I should do a puzzle with the kids or read a book. Every now and then maybe I would get up for a drink of water or cup of tea. I was so genuinely relaxed that at 8pm the first full day we were there I fell asleep on the couch. And there I stayed until I moved into the bed and slept as late as I wanted the next morning.
We did get out too. Whenever there was a break in the weather—even if it just became a light rain—we hiked and biked. There were few people around and a lot of wildlife. Even our youngest biked for several miles, hiked for miles on top of that and climbed to the top of the lighthouse. Then it would rain again and it was time for more books and art projects.
I haven’t felt that well-rested and generally at peace with the world in months. It was such a simple trip: fresh air and exercise, family time, quiet activities and simple meals, and a real reminder of how little we all need.
Once we returned I vowed to lighten up our load here at home. I’ve made a clandestine trip to Goodwill (the kids get upset no matter what leaves the house) and am also trying to pare activities down to what REALLY needs to be on the schedule. Life gets busy and hectic, but I keep looking back to that trip as a reminder that it doesn’t always need to be.